Mandatory Bloggery: Larbing It Up In Chacago part 2

We are back with the second installmenet of my bachelor party.

Just after the first night DonaldGateley and I didn't go to sleep 'til well after sunrise. Drinking in the streets is a fun thing to do. After Donald turned in and retreated to the hostel I went to CVS and bought a bunch of blue Gatorades, a dozen eggs and a pound of bacon. Then I got into an argument with the sales clerk because he wouldn't sell me beer. Also I was super shit faced. Slurring curse words and demanding to talk to the manager. I was escorted out by security.... obviously.

 The result was bacon and scrambled eggs. After everybody started to awaken from the stench filled room of whiskey and beer shits we all took turns destroying the bathroom and showering. 

This is where I started drinking. If yer already drunk, why the fuck not? Dr.Pepper and Jim Beam with bacon??? Yes please!

Off to the Charger vs. Bears football game. No sign of CammanderNBeef in sight yet at this point.

WormTits was kind enough to carry a jersey all the way to him, not knowing if we were ever going to find him. 

On our way to the game, these 2 black ladies drove up to me of all people asking for directions. 

Of course I had no info. worthy of sharing but when I looked into the center console of there car, I noticed they had fast food. In my drunken state I asked them for a bite of their burger and they politely declined but offered me a whole bag of fries. Stoked!

This was a freat way to start a great day!

Leaf, Gates and Gates. Ryan Leaf is easily the most hated and infamous Charger (next to E.Manning).

While waiting for CommanderNBeef we seeked refuge inside of a dark dive. Jameson on the rocks went around while everyone did their best to shake off their hangovers.

I however was drunk, what with the bacon/JimBeam shower for breakfast and all. 

Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

Can't remember the name of the bar we were in but the had a rad calendar from their '85 Super Bowl victory of a giant bear on top of the Sears tower. So sick. Stinky insisted that our busty bartender get in the shot.

Yard art.

DonaldGately hailing a cab and blocking his face from my camera at the same time.

So we ended up meeting up with CommNBeef and his lady friend in tow, and wound up at Miller's Pub after a short cab ride. 

A nice pub where everything is made of wood and its dark mellow atmosphere. 

Don't get me wrong, it wasn't a shithole. It was packed with people. 

So this is the poor unfortunate couple that I sat close to and talked their ears off.

The husband was annoyed with me but the wife loved me! I proceeded to get super belligerent.

When it came time to order I was on a good one. It was minimum $20 a plate for whatever the fuck everyone else ordered but I decided to order a Millers Pub t-shirt and a side of meatballs, which were damn good.

Here's the lunch everyone had. I guess the meal wasn't up to par for some people. But I didn't really give a shit, feeling like the drunkest/smartest guy at the table whom ordered meatballs. You can never go wrong with balls made of meat sitting in a dish of marinara sauce. Thats my shit. Oh yea, it's not pictured. Doh!

So in this picture is CommNBeef's hot little number on the far right. Apparently he and her spent the night doing the nasty in the Waldorf Hotel in a King size bed. Lucky dog, we had to sleep amongst each other's stink and man ass the prior night.

Apparently I bummed her out because I congratulated her for having a dead father.

Im a dick.

But we all know this.

Have I mentioned how rad the architecture is there?

Some bar I got kicked out of on the way there. No idea why...

I swear I saw Batman up on that building....

On our way to Soldier Stadium.

Brachosaurous? I have no idea how to say it or spell it. Fuck it.

So rad looking.

Stadium in sight. I guess the rebuilt it 3 or 4 years ago.

Hail Hail the Gangs all Here! Oh wait, minus CommNBeef whom once again disappeared with his lady friend for the evening. In for another night of humping he didn't even make it to the game.

Maybe I bummed her out so hard she stole him from us. Our President Captured!

It was hot as balls and I decided to wear my vest on top of my jersey while carrying my Miller's Pub t-shirt. I looked like a real jerk! Fuck it, my theory is you gotta represent yer team. Be as big of an annoying cunt as one can be.

DonaldGately was nice enough to buy my first beer. At this point I was a bit pooped.
Sat down, nodded out and dropped my whole beer. Woops.
DonaldGately bought me another beer and I slowly came to life.
ARE WE HAVING FUN YET???

I stayed true to the brew and fought away the fatigue by getting drunk. My phone ran out of batteries so this pic is courtesy of DonaldGately! I (being a Masshole at heart) started screaming DROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!
Which if you have seen Party Down, then you'd get the reference.

Later in the wee hours of the night, I charged my phone and took a pic of Stinky eating teriyaki chicken from a coffee mug. 

Hangover breakfast the following morning.

Al's Beef is the fucking shit.

Picture menu. For the customer that doesn't want to read.

The best with cheese fries.

We sat even though patrons were standing. It was rad.

Continued in Part 3.

Eat
Fucking
Fiend

-Sgt.Baconator

Mandatory Bloggery: Larbing it up in Chicago part 1

Rumors are true, within day's I will be a married man.

I give to you my bachelor party. We tore a special part in our liver's and in the process, tore Chicago a fucking new asshole.

 Traveling to the airport with DonaldGatley and LordBlah.

 Pre flight anxiety cocktail.

 I chose a white russian. Note that LordBlah is wearing flip-flops. Save ya the trouble of having to take yer shoes off when heading thru airport security. Smart man.

 Donald stayed up late the night before. Trying to hit the snooze button.

We slammed Wild Turkey on the rocks until our plane landed.

 A few hours later we arrived at O'Hare airport. The first picture I took was a Dunkin' Donuts. The one thing I wish California had.

 Took the metro to the city.

 Even though LordBlah has a smart phone, for some reason he chose to bring a disposable camera. Who the hell knows why...

 I give to you the "Sears Tower" or otherwise currently known as "Willis Tower". 

I think the 2nd or 3rd tallest building in the world.

 Cool looking church. Since we went to Chicago in August, you can bet the farm it was hot as balls.

 We then arrived to our hostel, located in the Greek section of Chicago.

3 bunks beds, 2 sinks, 2 showers, 1 toilet..... and a communal kitchen. 

We even got our own lockers to stink up.

 It was fun as fuck. Basically 6th grade camp with yer best bub's.

 LordBlah and I went to 6th grade camp together. Holy fuck.

 Cool looking bottle of beer. Didn't buy it though.

 So the golden rule to the hostel was that no alcohol was allowed on the property at all. Failure to abide this rule would have us immediately ejected from the joint.

Obviously that rule was quickly broken. After we all took turns giving our toilet a taste of the punishment it would be receiving for the next couple of days, we headed to Walgreen's across the street.

Capt.Stinky handled the booze duties, purchasing one 5th of Jim Beam, two 12 paks of PBR, a box of wine, a shit load of ice and a styrofoam cooler. That's how you establish a home base.

 Anywho, after we got good and loose we went out to a popular deep dish pizza joint CommanderNBeef's mother had recommended. Thanks Barbara!

 Get inside and the first thing I gotta do is piss.

This pic was on the wall, hilarious.

 George Catanza and Popeye.

 CommanderNBeef was hyped! We were all so excited for some authentic deep dish pizza.

LordBlah then began whispering evil deed's into my ear. 

 Then the pizza arrived!

 Easily the best deep dish pizza I've ever had. It was everything I imagined. Cheesy, saucey and the dough was subperb! My mouth is salivating as I type this.
PrivateWormTits ate 5 slices of these fuckers!

So basically LordBlah hatched a plan to pull the 'ol loosen-the-top-off-the-pepper gag. Stinky went off to the bathroom momentarily and everybody saw what LordBlah had done. And everyone knew what was going to happen.  Once Stinky returned with the pizza at the table he immediately grabbed the pepper, began shaking it and like a flood of red flakes. The pepper came pouring out. It was funny as hell. But Stinky wasn't going to give us the last laugh without a fight, so he began chowing down. Claiming how much he loves red pepper. But the it proved to be too much and he went grasping for the water like a dehydrated Nigerian.

Unfortunately I didn't take any pictures of this evil prank being hatched and sprung. But I got the whole thing on video! Coming in the Chicago edit once the blog finishes.

 Ditka! Or Hurricane-Ditka! 

Legendary.

 Afterwards we headed to a nice dive spot called the Raven. Giant Jenga? 

CommanderNBeef and I were on it.

Due to my drunken state, I believe I lost every match we played.

 So this is the last pic of CommanderNBeef for the night. We headed to another bar (which I can't remember the name of) that had a very college-esque atmosphere with jenga, beer pong and other random shit. Anyway, we arrive to the bar waiting to get drinks and some drunken mess of a girl was sitting there with us taking a shot of whiskey. 

What happened next was pretty legendary in my opinion. 

The girl took the shot and spilt some on her hand in the process, after she made the slurred comment "Oh no, I spilt whiskey on my hand", CommanderNBeef snatched her hand and stucker her fingures in his mouth, licking up the whiskey in the process. Leaving the girl stunned, yet completely attracted.

Needless to say that was the end of the night for CommanderNBeef. Her disappeared into the night with the girl. Way to go bub!

 Bonson art outside of a weird goth club. We didn't go inside. Weren't sure if it was a place that swung for the other "team".

 Needless to say, we wandered the streets our first night bar hopping all throughout Chicago, pissing in every alley and on every trash can and tree we came across.

 Lots of cool buildings and architecture.

 More pissing. Larbing it up.

Continued in part 2

EatFiend

-Sgt.Baconator