The unofficial larb eatery

From Ghetto to Gourmet, from Pabst to Perignon, EatFiend is where you will find pictures of food, skateboarding, the ways of the Almighty Larb and drunken ramblings about pictures of food.

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Sahi Chronicles Part 6

A special video for you EatFiends out there. A busy man I am.
Headed out to the land of the original alcoholics, the land of freshly poured Guinness, the land of corned beef and mashed potatoes. Yes I'm talking Ireland.
Bird's mingling.

My own private training facility. Ireland skate footy coming up in the next EatFiend promo!

Ireland futbol club bub.
 Insert handsome man quote here.

 An Irish-smile is where you hold yer Guinness up to yer mouth instead of smiling.
They still call them Irish coffee there.
"The Love Movement" Coming soon.
Until next time...

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EatFiend Karaoke Special

It Only Takes a Few....
Found myself at Gilly's Bar on El Cajon boulevard. This bar isn't for everyone, but if you want to just have a good 'ol time and blow some steam off this is the place to visit. It was a great night with a great crowd, so why not let loose on the karaoke machine!

I immediately asked BornRetard "what song are you singin'?" and he didn't even put up a fight. His response was "Devo", perfect.

BornRetard was shining bright this evening, with a belly full of beer and Devo's "Whip It" starting off who could have guessed what happened next...
Not only myself but about 12 other bar patrons went into a dancing frenzy and started running circles around BornRetard as he continued to sing. 
He absolutely killed it. Everyone loved him.
Luckily for me Maj.AssHole captured myself belting out a few bars singing "At a Medium Pace" by Adam Sandler. It's just a song I loved as a kid 'cuz it had so many swear words and the lyrics are hilarious.
Afterwards BornRetard insisted on singing this.
Absolutely awful. Immediately half of the bar cleared out. He was basically screaming like a drunk old hobo into the microphone.
What he lacks in general talent he makes up for in being hilarious. Even when he's not trying.
"You think dis guy gives a fuck???"
Oh yea, MumbleRetard was there too.
Basically I captured 2 BornRetards bouting it out.
Meh, thats what MumbleRetard gets for flicking a well deserved cigarette in BornRetards face.
BorenRetard functioning at full capacity at this moment. Meaning he was bumping into every fucking wall while mumbling about some sort of bozo-jibberish.
LordBlah grace us with his presence. Notice he doesn't look so pasty. He's been tanning.
After party brews were consumed as Nihilist blared through DonGately and Maj.Asshole's home.
PrivateHamHock says sweet dreams.



Monday, May 28, 2012

Visualize and Attack

My Fellow Eatfiends,

It is currently BBQ season. It has been up here for the last month, and longer than that down south, I'm sure. As you may or may not be able to tell, I have not been fucking around this year with the BBQed meatstuffs.

As promised, below is more Meat Smokin' action. 

Wait, that sounded terrible. Let me try again. Below I put my meat in a hot smoker. 

Wait, no, I got it. You'll never taste delicious meat until you smoke it. 

Fuck, I give up.

Anyway, headed down to Ver Brugge, on of my local butcher shops in Rockridge...

5.35 pounds of flat-cut brisket action! Quick brine, simple sugar-salt-pepper rub the day before my roommate Nora's going away BBQ-party. But first...

Off to the A's-Yankees game! Burritos (good for Norcal, but no comparison to SD) and Tall Boys in the Parking lot. It isn't pictured, but we were like 50 feet from the stadium in these pictures. They don't give a fuck in Oakland.

A-Rod up at bat. I was hoarse for 2 days from yelling so much at this game.

The general populace gathers up to lynch Derek Jeter. Gotta get the frustration over a losing team out somehow.

Fireworks show after the game! I was super hammered and talkin' all about how they just shoot the fucking fireworks off in San Diego, instead of waiting 30 minutes after the game to do it!

But my mouth was quickly shut as it was a supercool fireworks display.

Speakin' of fireworks, me and my new summer flame Charlene needed to get the party started the next morning. Brisket went on at 8am to smoke all day.

I'll see you in 7 hours!

Veg spread as my roomie is a Vegetarian. Now I'm not entirely sure what that is, but I believe it means that she is allergic to meat.



Some of Nora's friends brought their Corgis to the party. This is my second consecutive bbq with a Corgi puppy, and they weren't the same dogs, or even owned by people who know them. Too cute to smoke.

The party's theme as decided by Nora was floppy hat garden party. Clearly Max was very gung ho about it.

The Brisket took first priority. These are called... Something... Meatless cropes? Unbeefified food-substitutes? Wood davers?

Wow so I asked Max to get an action shot of me on the grill and this is what he ended up with. This blog entry has way too much gay subtext. Who wantth a thauthage?!

Oh, but how sweet is that hat?

Baby goat riding a tortoise. I want to grill them.

Someone (I learned like nobody's name at this bbq) brought a bearded dragon! Dog vs. Lizard! Dog vs. Lizard! Who's gonna win?!

Evening fell, and the party moved inside. I received a round of applause for my all-day bbq efforts. I was cooking, grilling and prepping for 12 hours that day.  I appreciate it, but I'm my own harshest critic, and even though it was delicious, I fucked a few things up. Next time, hold the applause, I want criticism!

Floppy hats still abounded, pictured here are Nora (left), Randy (2nd from the right) and a whole bunch of people whose names I never really learned.

Then the icing started! Diane was fooled so hard! She reached for a beer, came up with an ice! ("smice" as it's called up here)

Haha! You look quite the fool, Diane!

Ah Shit Christ Fuck. Randy's girlfriend asked to trade hats, so we did, then I went outside to have a smoke with Randy, came back in and they had somehow ghetto rigged an ice to roll out of my hat when I picked it up. Many layers of planning went into this.

Then I went to work and tutored hung over for 11 hours the next day. I'd say that's unusual, but it's actually every Sunday.

Successful BBQ! Coming up: More smoked meat and icing! No, not like I'm going to put cake icing on the meat, I mean like the last 2 pictures. Although... I could make beef cupcakes.

Your Commander-in-Beef

Monday, May 21, 2012


I love you Charlene


Stumblin' in

Greetings from Norcal. My fellow Eatfiends, I have a few announcements.

Colin is now an Eatfiend! I should probably give him the password. He's been featured drinking with me in the blog, and he's an old buddy of Sgt. Baconator, Major Marcos and mine for a long time.

Secondly, I propose that from here until the end of time, in order to become an Eatfiend, you must Out-Eat an Eatfiend. I mean would I propose it, but this ain't a democracy, so as your Commander-in-Beef, fuck y'all, THEMS THE BREAKS!

Anyway, had a BBQ the weekend before last. At first, thing weren't lookin' so hot as far as the planning stages go. Behold my shopping list:

I made the above shopping list the night before the BBQ, trying to browse recipes, ended up watching helicopter videos on Youtube.

List later revised once I found Berkeley Bowl doesn't sell Badass Helicopters.

Look what I got! This fucking Behemoth smoker!

And look what I got to smoke on it! Pasture-raised Pork Shoulder, bitches!

Cat wouldn't stop getting up in my grill (figuratively), so I put a bag on its head. Ah, animal abuse.

Welcome Home, Charlene.

This day, I was single-handedly responsible for 1/3 of the Bay Area's Carbon emissions.

Homemade Vanilla Bean Ice Cream Bitches!

7 hours on the smoker later. Look at the Bark on that fucking Pork Shoulder. Afterwards, I took it upstairs and spooned with it.

Alex, the man of the hour, shows up with 2 pony kegs. Left: Pyramid Curveball. Right: Pyramid Outburst Imperial IPA. I got blackout drunk later that night and apparently fell face first into a wooden pole. Drunken Clumsy Benjy strikes again!

At this point, I'd like to point out that not only was this a heavily populated bbq, but it was actually a going away party for a friend of mine, and I managed to get ZERO pictures of her or my other guests. That's the Eatfiend life, bubs. Eating comes first, jerkwads second.

We also played real life fruit ninja! Which I BARELY remember! I'm glad I can handle a knife while blackout drunk!

Here is the Kingdom, the Power and the Glory. Pork is God, and God is Pork. Pulled pork hoagie with that delicious pork shoulder (pulled) pictured above, homemade cider vinegar bbq sauce and a mountain of homemade slaw. Fucking to die for. Wicked-Crazy-Delicious.

Next Friday, what better to do than to smoke a tri-tip? As always, Marin sun farms, grassfed deliciousness.

After about 2.5 hours of Hickory Smoking, low and slow baby! Came out Medium-Rare even though I was shooting for Rare, but still fucking ridonkulus!

Carving the tri-tip pretty drunk. Meat and Cross-Skewers? I think I was going for something here. Fuck it, I'm putting this on a flag.

That tri-tip turned into a sammich with hot russian mustard, grilled red pearl onions and roasted cherry tomatoes, pictured here before I put a handful of arugula on top. The fuckin' jam.

More Smoker action this weekend! BBQ Saturday at my place for my Roommate's going away party! I'm gonna get blackout drunk again after slow-cookin' some more meat!

Holdin' down the Eatfiend ways in norcal,
Your Commander-in-Beef