Visualize and Attack

My Fellow Eatfiends,

It is currently BBQ season. It has been up here for the last month, and longer than that down south, I'm sure. As you may or may not be able to tell, I have not been fucking around this year with the BBQed meatstuffs.

As promised, below is more Meat Smokin' action. 

Wait, that sounded terrible. Let me try again. Below I put my meat in a hot smoker. 

Wait, no, I got it. You'll never taste delicious meat until you smoke it. 

Fuck, I give up.

Anyway, headed down to Ver Brugge, on of my local butcher shops in Rockridge...

5.35 pounds of flat-cut brisket action! Quick brine, simple sugar-salt-pepper rub the day before my roommate Nora's going away BBQ-party. But first...

Off to the A's-Yankees game! Burritos (good for Norcal, but no comparison to SD) and Tall Boys in the Parking lot. It isn't pictured, but we were like 50 feet from the stadium in these pictures. They don't give a fuck in Oakland.

A-Rod up at bat. I was hoarse for 2 days from yelling so much at this game.

The general populace gathers up to lynch Derek Jeter. Gotta get the frustration over a losing team out somehow.

Fireworks show after the game! I was super hammered and talkin' all about how they just shoot the fucking fireworks off in San Diego, instead of waiting 30 minutes after the game to do it!

But my mouth was quickly shut as it was a supercool fireworks display.

Speakin' of fireworks, me and my new summer flame Charlene needed to get the party started the next morning. Brisket went on at 8am to smoke all day.

I'll see you in 7 hours!

Veg spread as my roomie is a Vegetarian. Now I'm not entirely sure what that is, but I believe it means that she is allergic to meat.

LOOK AT HER.

LOOK AT HER SMOKE RING.

Some of Nora's friends brought their Corgis to the party. This is my second consecutive bbq with a Corgi puppy, and they weren't the same dogs, or even owned by people who know them. Too cute to smoke.

The party's theme as decided by Nora was floppy hat garden party. Clearly Max was very gung ho about it.

The Brisket took first priority. These are called... Something... Meatless cropes? Unbeefified food-substitutes? Wood davers?

Wow so I asked Max to get an action shot of me on the grill and this is what he ended up with. This blog entry has way too much gay subtext. Who wantth a thauthage?!

Oh, but how sweet is that hat?

Baby goat riding a tortoise. I want to grill them.

Someone (I learned like nobody's name at this bbq) brought a bearded dragon! Dog vs. Lizard! Dog vs. Lizard! Who's gonna win?!

Evening fell, and the party moved inside. I received a round of applause for my all-day bbq efforts. I was cooking, grilling and prepping for 12 hours that day.  I appreciate it, but I'm my own harshest critic, and even though it was delicious, I fucked a few things up. Next time, hold the applause, I want criticism!

Floppy hats still abounded, pictured here are Nora (left), Randy (2nd from the right) and a whole bunch of people whose names I never really learned.

Then the icing started! Diane was fooled so hard! She reached for a beer, came up with an ice! ("smice" as it's called up here)

Haha! You look quite the fool, Diane!

Ah Shit Christ Fuck. Randy's girlfriend asked to trade hats, so we did, then I went outside to have a smoke with Randy, came back in and they had somehow ghetto rigged an ice to roll out of my hat when I picked it up. Many layers of planning went into this.

Then I went to work and tutored hung over for 11 hours the next day. I'd say that's unusual, but it's actually every Sunday.

Successful BBQ! Coming up: More smoked meat and icing! No, not like I'm going to put cake icing on the meat, I mean like the last 2 pictures. Although... I could make beef cupcakes.

Your Commander-in-Beef