EATFIEND: Mandatory Bloggery- 4th of July Shit Show

America- Love it or leave it.

It's a pretty rad place. Or as the kids say, "'Merica!"

I personally find it disrespectful to mispronounce our beloved countries name, then again, I just watched "Last Man Standing", so I'm kinda on a soapbox. Whatever, better than some kook who started digging America yesterday, because of the shitty ass Fifa World Cup. I hate soccer. Soccer is not American at all. Is it football season yet?

Any who, on to the shit show...

Yes the rumors are true, I did purchase a 10.5 pound pork shoulder. I bought it a few weeks before Americas 338th birthday bash, so the price of pork was only $1.47 a pound. Not a bad way to feed the masses! EATFIEND!

Here's a good recipe for a good rub. Since this was my first time, smoking a pork shoulder in a gas smoker, I was a bit nervous. Fugggit.

One day I want to participate in slaughtering and butchering a whole pig and cow. I think I could handle a chicken, no problem. But considering how much of a bloody mess a cow/pig would make, I'd wanna do it at a slaughterhouse.

Here is one of my favorite Butchers! Chop! Chop!

Mustard covering. Stinky would approve!

Put a good rub on it, wrap it up and throw it in the 'fridge! So I decided to rub my meat pretty late in the night. After a few beers I decided to perform a check list to make sure I was adequately prepared for the Big 4th and I realized I didn't have a bag of smoking chips.

So one or two glasses of Jameson later, I decided that walking the 8 or 9 blocks to Vons at 12:30a.m. was a good idea. WormTits rolled with me and we had no problem getting there. We selected a bag of smoking chips, bought a 6 pak and met up with Stinky and DonaldGately (they just left Gilleys and were walking home).

With beers in our hands we walked by ItWasTheLights pad and noticed that there were cop cars driving around like crazy. Some fuckhead has been running around the neighborhood punching unsuspecting females in the back of their heads, and trying to do God knows what. Every minute or so a random spot light would shine on us from a police cruiser hiding in the dark with its head lights off. We'd quickly conceal our beers outta fear of harassment, except Stinky, in his drunken stupor he chucked a full beer into the bushes. Doh!

Where am I going with this?... Oh yea.

After we made the trek through the sketchyness we had a seat over looking the 805 freeway and finished our beers. Somewhere in mid conversation I felt a bit of a growl in my stomach. Oh no, I had to shit. Real bad. I tried to play it cool. Then all of a sudden, I was adjusting myself and as I moved.....squirt! Out of fear of letting my friends know that I just Hershey-Squirted myself, I was vulnerable to getting "Tostada'd" by them. A "Tostada" my similar game to "door knob". If a friend finds out that you shartted yourself, he'll most likely slap you on the butt and yell "TOSTADA!" Smashing all that gooey stinkyness all over your ass cheeks and underwear.

So I tried to play it cool, WormTits and I said our goodbyes and we headed home. I was roughly 5 houses away from EatFeindHQ and I just lost it. It shot outta me like a bat out of Hell. I stood over my neighbors lawn and let it rip. Had to undress in the backyard. Shit just all down my left leg.

This should be a Toy Machine add. "Hey kids, buy Toy Machine socks! They're the shit!"

It was around 2 a.m. on 4th of July and I had already shat myself, good grief.

Thanks WormTits for taking this photo while gagging. (It was hilarious).

The next morning, my butthole had recovered and I was ready for a day of bbq action and pounding beers with my wife, Biscuit and friends!

Pork shoulder was good to go!

Dropped it in the basket and let it smoke on a high heat for about 45 minutes.

Fucking love this thing.

Photo time.

Reired John Rambo style.

America!!!! Fuck yea!

All 3 of these bad boys were going.

So after cooking the pork shoulder on high for 45 minutes I dropped the temperature to low for about 2.5 hours. It had a thick dark crunchy crust from all of the basting I did.

10.5 pork shoulder after cooking probably went down to 8 pounds maybe? Looking back on it I probably should have wrapped this fucker in tin foil and save some moisture. The meat on the inside came out perfect but I was just unsure. Trial and error.

Time to let it sit.